This is not my typical post. Let me preface this by saying, I love my kids dearly, we are so blessed by them, that goes without saying. What I'm about to say is only so I can remember all the "fun" we had! And it's only with love that I'm totally calling them out on their antics...When you're going through H E double hockey sticks, keep on going......that is the saying right?
Let's fly to Florida with a 2 and a 1/2 year old and a 4 month old, we thought. It will be fun, we thought.
Wrong - we thought wrong.
Now, the trip itself was a blast. You can see some of my favorite pics here. It was the getting there that was a hot. freaking. mess...
We got to the airport in perfect time. Good start, I thought maybe this was a sign that the day would go well. I again thought wrong.
You know the kids that you see and you're like, "Oh I hope they're not on my flight, and I definitely hope they are not sitting anywhere near me". That was easily us, I mean not us thinking that, us being those people...Before I had kids I would say/think that all the time, not anymore. I am "they".
First flight, my mom and I were saying "We are seasoned travelers, we have it down". I don't think we've ever been so wrong. Like, ever. Doesn't he look so sweet? Keep reading about this little monster...
First things first, Landon got his little squeeze pouch of applesauce, on the ascent so that his ears would pop. He squeezed it one giant squeeze. Everywhere. It. Was. Everywhere. Not one drop landed anywhere but the front of his cute BabyGap sweatshirt (pictured above). Far from cute now and covered in a very attractive yellow-brown hue.
About 45 minutes into the flight all H E L L broke loose. Let me elaborate:
Harper started having an absolute meltdown. Let me remind you, she is a fairly calm baby. Very rarely cries if I'm holding her. This was a meltdown. If there was a meltdown of the worst kind. This was it. Hands down. This was the kind where nothing would please her. She wasn't hungry, she was tired, but couldn't go to sleep. Hot mess #1.
Landon was fine, then when she started melting down, he absolutely LOST. HIS. MARBLES. Straight out of a horrer film, I swear. I thought at any minute his head would start spinning around.
We politely asked him to strap in. A nonchalant "Nope" was his reply. Now if we were at home, he would be in timeout, but we were on a plane probably over Little Rock, Arkansas. I grabbed his arm and firmly told him to sit down and strap in. To which he, with Hulk-like strength, grabbed my face and said "Nooo, I can't, I really too strong". Oh, ok, strong people don't need to strap in, so I guess your good then. That seems reasonable.... Then, randomly, at the top of his lungs, "CHANGE MY DIAPER!!!"
Mortified. One is screaming, and the other just sh*t his pants. Perfect.
The descent into Dallas was occurring, as my 2 year old was sitting on a changing table in a 2 foot x 2 foot bathroom, telling me I was being bad & that he was going to put me in time out. Oh ok.....Please, I'm begging to have a time out! Where do I sign up? Seriously...
Get back to the seats, all is calm, all is bright for a total of about 35 seconds. Harper, spits up all over my freshly washed and perfectly wavy hair. You see, I always get ready when I travel for some reason. I do my hair, my makeup and look especially presentable. It's a strange thing, but that's just the way I am...maybe I am trying to convince myself that if I LOOK like I have my stuff together, in everyone's mind they are convinced I do. They would be totally wrong....My mom, the eternal optimist, "you can't even tell there's baby vomit in your hair..."
Don't even try to feed me that. I have white chunks floating in my blond locks. Hope you feel better Harper Kate. I do what every mother does, run my fingers through my hair in order to get the major chunks out and let it dry looking like skinny little sticks. That is what every mother does, right?
Avoiding eye contact at all costs with every single person, flight attendants and pilots included, we deplane in Dallas. Oh, fresh faces! No one here knows what went on on the flight! I'm wearing Harper in the Baby Bjorn, my mom's grabbing the bags. Landon decides this is his chance to get kidnapped and makes a run for it. In the Dallas airport. Laughing all the way. I mean he really thought it was hysterical.
Leash.
This kid is on a leash next time we travel and now I know why people do that. I digress.
I was that person on the verge of screaming "STOP THAT KID!", when I thought up something I knew would make him stop.
I yelled "Landon! I have racecars!!" About 50 people turned to look at me.
Stops in his tracks. "Mommy, have racecars?", I inched closer and quickly grabbed his shirt by the collar so he couldn't make a run for it again.
"Nope, but you're in BIG trouble!!"
::Insert discipline here::
Fast forward. I have a perfect sleeping 4 month old for the layover and Landon is just watching the planes take off and snacking. And I think to myself what a wonderful world...or that maybe the next flight will be better? Maybe?
"Folks, Captain here, the machine that loads the baggage into the plane has broken {what?} and so it'll be another 10 minutes or so until we are ready for take off"
He's obviously never flown with a 4 month old and a 2 and 1/2 year old. That 10 minutes might as well have been 2 hours in my world.
Let's get to it. Buttons and air vents first. Are you kidding me? Those buttons are just begging to be played with. Bright orange and totally looking like some fun game to Landon. And let me tell you, was determined to win....He hit every single one multiple times. If anything is the most germy on an plane, my guess would be these buttons....he loved it though so we weren't about to tell him to stop. He's vaccinated and, well, to be honest, it was passing the time entirely too well to tell him to stop! No matter that we called the flight attendant so many times that she just quit coming....
A little background on my son, when he gets excited he screams. And, naturally this was no exception. I apologize to the lady in front of us and she says, "Oh I've been there, he doesn't bother me a bit!" What? He's driving me insane and I'm his mother... I wanted to kiss her. We aren't hated by everyone, just almost everyone!
Fast forward to the end of this relatively short and well mannered flight, and Landon says "I need my Diapa {yes, diapa} changed, mommy!" Uggggh, we are like 10 minutes from landing & here I am changing another diaper in the 2x2 bathroom, while they are telling us to get back to our seat. Timing is not his strong suit. Exhibit A as to why I think that this child should be potty trained by now. The only problem is he avoids bathrooms at all costs. I mean he literally puts his feet and hands on the door trim to avoid going into the bathroom. Tips? Anyone?
This was Landon and Harper 5 minutes before we landed in Florida. Yes, yes, it was.
I mean are you kidding me? Where were these angels all morning?
You might be thinking, that's probably bad on his neck. At this point I was about 500 miles past the point of caring. They were both asleep. If even for the last 2 minutes of the flight.
And we all made it out alive....kind of.
